Things I'll wish I'd listened to pt. 1
The Furman Friends came thursday and yesterday to hang out and celebrate New Year's. Me? Yeah, I forgot all about NY and thought for some reason there was time to hang out with both them and The Fiance.
Um, no.
TF has been reluctant to hang out with the Furman crew -- or many of my friends -- thanks to my "but [the wedding] might not be good enough for them!" ranting last week. He, being a proud country boy, did not take well to this statement and announced that "We're having the wedding we can afford, and if they don't like it, they can go @#$! themselves."
Ding! Wedding revelation no. 1 (alongside of not telling your future husband that you're afraid of what The Neighbors/Friends/Coworkers, etc. Will Think):
"Have the wedding you can afford, and if anyone doesn't like it, they can go @#$! themselves."
This sentiment was partially (i.e. not including the @#$! imperative) echoed by one of my oldest and closest friends (who had a beautiful wedding, one that I have always measured every wedding since against -- to TF's frustration) , who wisely said,
"There will always be someone who doesn't like something that you did at your wedding. There will be people who will think you should have done things differently, and those who think your wedding is the most beautiful thing they've ever seen. They may never tell you this, but they'll think it. They will always have their opinions."
Furman really does put out some smart grads, I tell ya. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
I just have to keep remembering it. (maybe a tattoo?)
The only thing to do now is make TF understand that it's not my friends I was afraid of disappointing; it was myself. And I really did my friends (the real ones) a disservice by thinking that they'd think less of me if things weren't exactly as I have them in my head, or if I didn't meet some Martha-esque/Bridal Porny ideal that I've set upon myself.
(Much in the same way I used to believe that I would never let anyone see me naked because I didn't look like my friends (all size 10 and under) and no man would want me becuase I was 'fat' (I was a size 12, for crying out loud!) In the end, the insecurity I felt due to my own self-imposed ugliness damaged and robbed me of opportunities far more than any negative feedback about my body.
I really don't want the same thing to happen here and now.
Um, no.
TF has been reluctant to hang out with the Furman crew -- or many of my friends -- thanks to my "but [the wedding] might not be good enough for them!" ranting last week. He, being a proud country boy, did not take well to this statement and announced that "We're having the wedding we can afford, and if they don't like it, they can go @#$! themselves."
Ding! Wedding revelation no. 1 (alongside of not telling your future husband that you're afraid of what The Neighbors/Friends/Coworkers, etc. Will Think):
"Have the wedding you can afford, and if anyone doesn't like it, they can go @#$! themselves."
This sentiment was partially (i.e. not including the @#$! imperative) echoed by one of my oldest and closest friends (who had a beautiful wedding, one that I have always measured every wedding since against -- to TF's frustration) , who wisely said,
"There will always be someone who doesn't like something that you did at your wedding. There will be people who will think you should have done things differently, and those who think your wedding is the most beautiful thing they've ever seen. They may never tell you this, but they'll think it. They will always have their opinions."
Furman really does put out some smart grads, I tell ya. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
I just have to keep remembering it. (maybe a tattoo?)
The only thing to do now is make TF understand that it's not my friends I was afraid of disappointing; it was myself. And I really did my friends (the real ones) a disservice by thinking that they'd think less of me if things weren't exactly as I have them in my head, or if I didn't meet some Martha-esque/Bridal Porny ideal that I've set upon myself.
(Much in the same way I used to believe that I would never let anyone see me naked because I didn't look like my friends (all size 10 and under) and no man would want me becuase I was 'fat' (I was a size 12, for crying out loud!) In the end, the insecurity I felt due to my own self-imposed ugliness damaged and robbed me of opportunities far more than any negative feedback about my body.
I really don't want the same thing to happen here and now.
posted by Gina at 8:58 AM
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