Friday, November 30, 2007


Well, I'm not pregnant.

And as stupid and strange as it seems(and sounded when I told my friend, who is breastfeeding a 3-month old and laughed heartily when I said it), I was a little disappointed. I mean, what other point to weight gain and moodiness and not getting any is there if you aren't going to be pregnant (and get your in-laws off your case while you're at it?)

And speaking of not getting any, the Muse is apparently taking a vacation. I was all ready to submit something for some much-needed $$$, but all I can come up with are fantasies of waking up looking like Sanaa Lathan so my husband won't be so damnably indiffrent. Case in point:

Me: "If i bought something sexy for Christmas, would you laugh?"
Him: "Well, I mean, do you really think you should be spending extra money right now?"
Me: *sigh*
Him: "What? Is it because we're going on a cruise?"
Me: "Well, Kinda. Yeah."
Him: "I'm just saying...with Christmas and all..."
Me: *sigh*"Never mind."
Him: "What?"
Me: "Nothing."
Him. "Did I say something wrong?"
Me: (in convincing, 'don't be silly' voice): "No. Let me go; I need to finish getting ready."

You'd think I'd learn, right? Even after discussing the whole 'lingerie/laughing" incident in the comments on Shapely Prose's blog about the Fantasy of Being Thin (mine revolves around prancing around half naked and in expensive underwear), I don't buy the lame-ass "I was surprised" excuse. And because I'm bored, and bitchyPMSing and we're going on a cruise (and what cruise is complete without hot vacation-sex? Ours, apparently!), I got to looking at halloween costumes I didn't/couldn't buy, and then christmas lingerie, and...well...

I'm pissed. And it's only partly due to TTOTM. It's because talking to him about it is futile, talking about it to friends is humiliating, buying it anyway is a waste, and finding a man who would appreciate it is an impossibilty on too many fronts to go into. And even though I bought THREE things of red lipstick (okay, 2 lipsticks and 1 lacquer) last week and am considering buying more makeup, there's a part of me that wonders why I'm even bothering at all.

And in my house, futility = a big fight. And rebellion. So there will be a neiman marcus box on the doorstep a few weeks from now, and it will contain a new Bobbi Brown makeup palette. For the trip he could care less about being with me on. And I will buy new boots, too. For outings he could care less what I look like when I accompany him. And lingerie. For nights he isn't there and won't see it, and doesn't want to see me in it even if he was.

And he'd better not say One. Effing. Word.

Because he's getting a fight this weekend. And there'll be another if he questions the purchases. The answer to "I thought you weren't going to do any more shopping!" Will be "And I thought that Good Vibrations would have delivered my toys by now!"



Blogger Mike said...

I have been there. When you are putting all the effort into sex and the spouse is just not SUCKS! I can say that we have gotten better...there was an underlying cause. We found it and have moved past it. We are rather frisky these days. Hoep you start blogging again soon.

9:20 AM  
Blogger Juanette said...

I just came across your blog and I wondered why you don't post? I admire your style, it's daring and truthful. I want to know what's happened since 2007?

10:21 PM  

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