Humiliation, thy name is lingerie.

Can't say I didn't try.

I actually dragged out the little red thong-and-skirt and bra number.

And I put it on.

And came out of the bathroom with a triumphant "Ta-Daa!"

And got laughed at.

See? You see why I don't bother?

What woman in her right mind expects this scenario?

And more importantly, what woman in her right mind EVER TRIES IT AGAIN? I've already informed him that there will be no lingerie in his future.

The little slips I bought at Target will be used for some other purpose, like wearing practically under dresses and skirts, and for some semblance of comfort and sensuality. The leopard pumps? Those will be coming out for work and when I go out with friends.

Another friend, this one online, echoed my mentor's advice about having needs met elsewhere. Honestly? I don't know who would have me. Women who ask their husbands continuously "Does this look okay?" "what about this?" "No on the sweater?" because they've no idea what looks attractive on them anymore and everything looks crap and their husbands laugh at them when they put on lingerie don't take lovers.

They apparently sit at home eating homeade chili, chips, and cheese (with hot sauce) and read romance novels and shop online.