Reasons....

I've just eaten an Entire Medium Thin Crust Pizza. I feel nauseous, but not enough to throw up (and trying to make myself do so is merely painful and nothing comes up -- yes, I've tried).

This shameful behaviour has to be predicated on something:

1. When I phoned Pizza Hut, I had just left my mother's house after spending over TWO HOURS of her typical haranguing, deconstructive criticism, and the new fastball: "You disappoint me." No shit, mom.
2. I was hungry, although I shouldn't have been: I had broiled scallops and salad for lunch. Nicole Richie could eat for days off that alone, nibbling at one scallop at a time. (Is it wrong that I find her absolutely adorable in her dad's video?)
   
3. I forgot to call my husband, telling him I would be captive with my mother for the remainder of the afternoon.
   
4. All I wanted to do was go home today and read another M.J. Rose book. Instead, I had to give my dad some money (which required an extra 35 minutes of traffic), rescue my husband, whose truck broke down, give up my car to him so he could go to work, and ask my mother to pick me up (she took full advantage of the opportunity, too).
   

So now I'm just sitting here, thinking ofa ll teh pretty clothes I can't wear and all the pizza I just ate and how Heidi said the loser's dress made her look "Like a Plus Model!" ("Plus model" being sneered as if it were "Seal-Hater!" or "Nazi" or "A Cockroach!" ), and how Heidi wouldn't even say 'auf' to me because I'm FAT and I brought this on MYSELF and when, when , WHEN will I ever be thin and gorgeous and in control?!

What do skinny people do when their mothers harangue them? WHen they don't feel good enough? Or do they always feel good enough? they are, after all, thin.

Must be nice.