To Whom it may Concern (that should be you, honey)

C__:

I've given it some thought, and I think we really should further discuss some Other Options.

Those Other Options being:

1. You seriously consider seeing a 'professional', as outlined in my proposal on Saturday. I know you think I was being coy and Female or whatever, but I was SERIOUS. Serious like "I'll find you the prostitute/escort/whatever". Honestly. At the rate we're going, I'll have the sex phased out in about another 18 months. No biggie to me, but as I know you'll be whining about it in approximately 30 more days, I think it's only fair that I bring this idea up again. You want sex the way you want it -- without any real foreplay, without talking, a simple in-and-out, with no noise and with your partner following orders? It Can Be Arranged. No, I won't mind. I'd even want to talk to her, see if she can offer any insight.
2. We get counseling. Sex Therapy. Yes, I said it, and I will again: SEX THERAPY. We're miserable at it. I can't be alone in this. Don't you think there's something you aren't getting? Aren't feeling? Is this what you really think it's supposed to be like?
3. You start getting comfortable with me expressing myself sexually. It's a damn difficult job, keeping one's mouth shut every time she wants to say something naughty or make a reference or suggestion or express a desire. It's hard to cut that part of oneself off. And even if you succeed, the phantom sex-limb pain is a bitch.
4. Phone sex ain't cheating. See #3. If i can't do it with you, why are you worried about it?
5. And you want KIDS? Give me an effing break. I'm up watching late-night Sinemax because it's the only mental/thoughtful foreplay I'll get for the next 40 years and you think this is a)an enviornment that can produce children, given how often we even have sex, and b)an environment in which a child should be conceived and raised? Pah! We'd have to make a Therapy Fund alongside his/her Tuition fund(s).
6. Don't ask where the sex toys come from. You don't want to know, and you don't want to know why I have them or when I bought them. You sure as hell don't want to know how often they're put into use. That 'ignorance is bliss' attitude you have? Keep it in mind here. You can't compete with a Rabbit and cyberotica CD.

I'm like Blackbeard's wife. It's the one thing we can't discuss, and the one thing we need to.

oh well....

at least i get the trois discount at mysweettemptation.com.