Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Humiliation, thy name is lingerie.

Can't say I didn't try.

I actually dragged out the little red thong-and-skirt and bra number.

And I put it on.

And came out of the bathroom with a triumphant "Ta-Daa!"

And got laughed at.

See? You see why I don't bother?

What woman in her right mind expects this scenario?

And more importantly, what woman in her right mind EVER TRIES IT AGAIN? I've already informed him that there will be no lingerie in his future.

The little slips I bought at Target will be used for some other purpose, like wearing practically under dresses and skirts, and for some semblance of comfort and sensuality. The leopard pumps? Those will be coming out for work and when I go out with friends.

Another friend, this one online, echoed my mentor's advice about having needs met elsewhere. Honestly? I don't know who would have me. Women who ask their husbands continuously "Does this look okay?" "what about this?" "No on the sweater?" because they've no idea what looks attractive on them anymore and everything looks crap and their husbands laugh at them when they put on lingerie don't take lovers.

They apparently sit at home eating homeade chili, chips, and cheese (with hot sauce) and read romance novels and shop online.

Tales of the Obvious, or I could've told you THAT!

Yesterday, Boston University doctors reported what I and millons of other women have been saying for years:

That Birth Control Pills can Eff up your sex life.

Of course, the docs don't say that in their report (they prefer "Oral contraceptives may have lingering negative effects on women's sexual health"), but it's basically the same thing. The sex-binding hormone levels are FOUR TIMES as high as women who have not been on birth control pills.

The good news? That there is no proof that going off the pill completely cures the problem. non-users were still higher than those who had discontinued use -- even after 120 days.

Which is why the world would be a better place if MEN were put on the Pill instead of women. They wouldn't be such horndogs, and when they were, it wouldn't matter because at least there wouldn't be any unfortunate side effects.

Except maybe some moodiness and breast tenderness.