Frailty, thy name is woman

Between eating everything that isn't poisonous (really; at about 7.15, I was scarfing raw bell pepper slices with balsamic vinegar -- it's amazing what you don't find disgusting when you're upset) and not being able to look at either myself or my clothes, I'll be really glad when I'm over this little funk/whatever it is I'm in right now.

And I can't say that my idiotic "Deal" (read: backed-into-a-corner to prove I'm not selfish and will be a bad mother even though I know myself to be selfish and therefore probably will be a bad mother) with C. to only buy ONE THING a month for six months (!!! WTF Was I Thinking?! And with Spring lines coming out in 6 weeks?!) is making things any better.

I'm already looking for loopholes (one: if I buy something and return it, can I buy something else? Two: Cosmetics are exempt. Smartass, he knows I don't buy/wear a lot of the stuff and is even giving me some money to get some.), and feel silly for doing so. Not to mention cheaty.

I wonder how long it'll be until my first "I'm ugly because everything in my closet is crap and all my friends are better/prettier/skinnier than me" meltdown. I'll be generous: 20 days.

Estimated time until I get bitchy because I see stuff and can't buy it and it will (of course) make me beautiful and improve my life 1000%: 48 hours. I've already seen a bra, a skirt, and a pair of shoes that could possibly be life-altering. Of course, what I really need is gastric bypass surgery and my mouth sewn shut. Then I'll look great in everything! Hurrah!

The idea that I will have to go out with friends (first test: Jan. 27 at the Pole Dancing lesson -- what does one wear?) and to events without buying something to bolster whatever lagging self-image I have at the time is both terrifying and unthinkable. What the hell am I supposed to do when we decide to go on a road trip? Look awful? Wear something I already have in my closet that makes me look like a wildebeest?

Apparently so, at least until July 1.

Damned summer can't get here fast enough.

C., of course, is clueless and is "so proud of me." Whee.

The Best Laid Plans....

B'damnit!

Called Marc Jacobs store and for some reason (read: karma) the order wasn't shipped. So now they're "looking into it" and meanwhile, i am sans beautiful (read: normally expensive but for a brief while within my price range and now marked up 50% on ebay) designer bag.

So now I wait by the phone, trying not to let on to my husband that I've a)bought this thing, and b)don't have anything to show for it.

Never mind that I felt guilty for purchasing it in the first place; I just keep thinking how chic it would look in spring/summer and how I wouldn't see it on every street corner and how lovely it is and how I'll never have the chance to buy one again directly from the store ....

*sigh*

First World Problems, man.

Worst part: The grinchy (selfish) part of me now hopes hubby will hate the $150 DVD player I bought him for Christmas, demand that I take it back, and I'll use the money to get the damn bag on Ebay.

No Lie. I'm that desperate. I need a designer goods sugar daddy or something.

Love's not time's fool...

But apparently I am.

See, I ordered one of the last remaining ridiculously priced Marc Jacobs Selma bags (small teal) on Monday. I missed the beginning of the frenzy (thanks MUA fashion board!) but managed to fax in my info when they first opened on Monday.

Here's the thing: in my haste for another fabulous bag, I neglected to give them my phone number to confirm shipping. So I don't know when it's coming, and I have the nagging suspicion I might have flubbed the numbers (my eyes are seriously becoming a problem.)

My only hope is that a) shipping is slow because of the holidays, and b) if it has shipped, delivery is slow because of the holidays. It's been 4 days -- long enough for UPS ground, and certainly for FedEx. I'm refraining from calling the store to bug them about it because I was such a baby about which bag to get ("hm..should I get the large or small teal? What do you think?" , but if it's not here by tomorrow, I'm going to be sad.

Me and my first-world problems....